Refuting the Stupid Arguments of Your Wingnut Friends, Part III

Today we hear from Eddie from Birmingham.

Goldstein, you ankle-grabbing pinko, why don't you take your America-hating b.s. and peddle it at Kerry rallies. They'd love your defeatism and Bush-hatred over there. But real Americans have no use for it. Why don't you and Kerry stop your whining for a minute and tell us what YOU would do about Iraq? Take a stand and stop bitching.

Thanks for writing, Eddie. You've asked a fair question. What would I do about Iraq if I were President? Well, I've got a three-point Iraq policy. First, choose a date by which we can complete an orderly withdrawal of substantially all of our troops in Iraq and inform the world of that intention. Second, beg the forgiveness of the U.N., our European allies and the rest of the world for the boorish, criminally reckless and monstrously immoral policies of my predecessor and do what we should have done in the first place: enlist the world's help in Iraq and give them a stake in the outcome by ceding political control of Iraq to the U.N. pending elections in Iraq. Third, prosecute vigorously and to the fullest extent of the law the Deserter, Dick, Donny et al for their crimes.

That third step is really the most important part of my Iraq policy, Eddie. You see, Eddie, far more important than what happens in Iraq is what happens here, in our country, to our democracy. This country will be stronger and more secure once we vindicate the principle that lies and fear-mongering will not again gull a peace-loving people into a fraudulent war. With that vindication we will be stronger and more secure even if Iraq descends into chaos. Conversely, we can build a functioning democracy in Iraq, a truly pluralistic society, and we will nonetheless be weaker and less secure if the Deserter is permitted to escape punishment for deceiving us into war and shaming this country. What happens in Iraq is a relative triviality. What's truly important is that we demonstrate to ourselves and the world that we will not tolerate the perversion and bastardization of American ideals in the name of empire and oligarchy. If we can do that, then something redemptive may yet come of this shameful chapter in the history of our nation.